"Hey, Can You Just Do This Real Quick?"

Apr 1

How to Set Boundaries Without Sounding Like a Jerk

Let’s play a game called “Oh no, not again.” You know how it goes: You’re minding your own business, maybe on your way out the door, feeling like a productivity superstar because for once you’re on time. Your phone dings, and it’s a message from someone you haven’t heard from since the last time Mercury was in retrograde.

It starts off deceptively sweet. “Hey! Hope you’re doing well!” And you think, Oh, that’s nice! But before you can even hit the mental “like” button on that friendly greeting, here it comes:

“I was wondering if you could just help me real quick…”

Cue the deep, existential sigh. You already know what’s coming. They need your expertise because, well, you’re good at what you do, and they know you can probably knock it out in no time. Which means—you guessed it—they assume you’ll just do it. For free. Right now.

And the kicker? It’s not just one person. It’s a pattern. One that starts to feel like you’ve accidentally branded yourself as the Official Quick Favor Department.

When “Real Quick” Means “I Don’t Want to Deal With It”

Here’s the thing: When someone asks for a “quick favor,” what they’re really saying is, “I know this is something you’re good at, and I don’t feel like dealing with it myself.” It’s like if your friend who’s a chef gets asked to whip up gourmet hors d'oeuvres for your dinner party because “you’re just so good at it.”

Sure, they could do it. It would take them five minutes. But they didn’t become a chef just so they could show up and dice onions for everyone’s potluck.

Why People Do This (And Why It’s Annoying)

It’s not always malicious. Sometimes, people don’t even realize they’re overstepping. Here’s what’s going on in their brains:

It Looks Easy, So It Must Be Easy: If you’re quick at something, people assume it’s effortless for you. They don’t see the years of practice or the countless hours of trial and error that got you to this point. They see the final product, and they think, “Oh, that’s just how Heather’s brain works.”
Social Proximity Bias: Just because you’re in their social sphere—whether as a friend, acquaintance, or someone they vaguely know from that one Zoom call—they feel comfortable asking. It’s like you’re the local expert, and they’re just “tapping into the resource.”
The “You’ll Say Yes” Expectation: If you’ve done it before or helped them out once, they assume you’re on call. It’s like you’ve accidentally set a precedent, and now you’re their personal tech support/translator/brainstorming buddy.

Classic Scenarios You’ve Definitely Been Through

1. The Social Media Ping:
Out of nowhere, someone from your college days slides into your DMs with, “Hey! You’re good with websites, right? Can you just look at mine real quick and tell me why it’s glitching?”

2. The “Real Quick” Regular:
There’s always that one friend who needs “just one tiny thing” every week. Somehow, these tiny things add up to the equivalent of a part-time job.

3. The Business Acquaintance:
Someone who knows you professionally asks for “just a bit of insight” into their latest project. You know, the kind of insight that usually involves consultation fees.

4. The Last-Minute Scrambler:
They’ve got a deadline tomorrow, and they need your genius input. Why plan ahead when they can just text you at the 11th hour?

5. The “I Know You Can Do It Fast” Type:
They know you’re skilled, and they think that’s an automatic pass to request a favor. Like, somehow, being efficient means you owe them efficiency on demand.

The Reality Check: Why It Feels So Uncomfortable

If you’re anything like me, this is where your brain short-circuits. You’re torn between wanting to be the helpful, resourceful friend who’s always got the answers and that little voice in your head screaming, “You know they’re just taking the easy way out, right?” It’s like they’ve discovered your secret superpower and decided it’s their personal hotline for life’s inconveniences.

And then, before you know it, you’re halfway through helping them, even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t do it again. It’s like reflexively holding the door for someone who’s half a mile away—awkward, unnecessary, and suddenly it’s your problem.

But here’s the thing: You don’t have to keep doing this. You can set boundaries without being the villain of the story. It just takes a little finesse—and a few ready-made responses that make you sound gracious and thoughtful while firmly closing the door on unsolicited “quick favors.”

How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Jerk

You know what makes saying no hard? The fear of sounding like a jerk. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to give a long, apologetic explanation. Try these:

-“Hey! Thanks for thinking of me! I’m not able to take that on, but I hope you find a good way to make it work!”

-“Hey! I’d love to help, but I’m keeping my workload focused right now. Wishing you luck with it!”

-“Hey! I’m not the best fit for that, but I’m sure you’ll figure it out!”

The goal is to be friendly but firm—showing that while you appreciate being thought of, you’re not signing up for every little task that lands in your lap.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Everyone’s On-Call Problem Solver

It’s tempting to just jump in and help, especially when you know it wouldn’t take long. But saying no doesn’t make you less generous or less skilled—it makes you smart. You didn’t spend years getting good at something just to hand it out like candy.

So next time someone tries to sneak a “real quick favor” your way, remember: It’s okay to protect your time, your energy, and your sanity. Because if you don’t, who will?

And if they really need help? Well, there’s always Google.